mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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