Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
