I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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