You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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