We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
