so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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