Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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