Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
