don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
