i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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