there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
