You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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