i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
