Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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