Dual....:-)
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
