when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
