I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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