my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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