I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
