I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
