so that wasnt chicken after all
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
