I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
