So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize