maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
