Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
