i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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