i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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