So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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