my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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