ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize