It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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