Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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