actually, I'm a sock model
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
we should paint friendship bongs
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