I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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