i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I am one with the molecules
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
