So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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