I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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