Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
