This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Life without a bra equals bliss.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
