i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
