I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You smell like stripper and shame
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
