i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
