The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
