Do you still have your period?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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