Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
