Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
