she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
soo... how was my night?
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