you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
