your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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