It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
