i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
