i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
