I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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