did you get engaged???
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
