I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
