so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
