I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
