He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
