so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
