why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
