somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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