i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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