is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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