Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize