About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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