u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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