Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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