we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
