You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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