Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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