It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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