So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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