apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
