Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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